Friday, May 9, 2008

The Shiny Chicken, in all of it's infamous glory!

Since day one @ BigBad, I have frequented the "big" Metro... which is the one with the salad bar. Early in my strained relationship with Metro I was obsessed with the hot meals and the Mandarin Chicken Wrap. However, in my efforts to eat healthy I began eating from the salad bar, like 90% of all the other people that work in the Fort Point neighborhood.

Months back I made myself a salad, and as you make the loop around the salad bar you come to 3 "troughs" of meat. It's usually ham chunks (yum), canned tuna, and some sort of chicken. The chicken is sometimes freshly grilled, however this is a rare thing, should you see fresh chicken pounce on it. The rest of the chicken options you will see at the salad bar all fall under the category of "shiny chicken."

Essentially the shiny chicken is the leftovers. Every day Metro makes chicken kabobs as one of their hot meal options. And the following day you will see chunks of chicken at the salad bar with little holes in it from being cooked on the kabob. Other times you will see a shredded chicken with what looks like taco seasoning on it, I think this is usually left over from the fajita wraps they make over by the pizza counter. Either way, both of those chicken options, when presented at the salad bar, are leftovers and they intrinsically share one scary attribute no matter the day of the week... the shiny.

Something happens between when the chicken is grilled, and when it is put out on the salad bar that makes it a virtual laxative. Make no mistakes, there are recent college grads working with us at BigBad who have steel plated stomach who cringe at the mere idea of eating the shiny chicken again... because their first encounter was so horrific. Myself, I ate it once about 9 months ago. It took about 45 minutes for it to happen, but when it did... cold sweats, flushed face, stomach cramps and complete gastro-disaster. This is the same reaction many of our constituents have had to the chicken.

Yesterday, for some reason, I decided I would brave the proverbial rapids again. I figured the law of averages and 9 months since the last time I ate it, it couldn't possibly make me sick again... could it? Much to my dismay, I ate the shiny chicken, I even got paranoid before eating it and re-heated it in the microwave to kill any of the whatever it is that gets us all sick. I ate my chicken, and within 45 minutes I was contemplating going home for the day. My stomach no longer wanted to be inside of my body. I was drenched with sweat, I was green, I was in fact suffering the wrath of the shiny chicken.

Lesson learned. NEVER AGAIN.

Consider yourselves warned. I take medicine daily to control my stomach and in about 45 mintues the shiny chicken completely broke me...

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