The laborious bilateral task of pre and post lunch hand-washing has been greatly eased by the brilliant lo-fi engineering solution of Jason Lombardo, inventor of the Faucet Genie 9000. Users will no longer be tasked with the previous inefficiencies of uni-hand washing; long are the days of soapy faucets, wet counters and unscrubbed hands. This simple device with instructions clearly displayed, is placed on the faucet knob and allows user access to a dependable, steady stream of water. The Faucet Genie 9000 does come without concern of elevated water consumption, a possible patent infringement of the Sam's Faucet Brick and a facilities inequality; a concern expressed by female employees of BigBad. Walmart, building management and Sarah Buck were unavailable for comment.
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